10/12/23, day 6⌖ HOLYFUCK ITS BEEN SO LONG!!!! dunno who reads this but i'm not dead. yet. (evil emoji\ schools been kicking my ass, i guess,,,, theres not any way else to put it. ive also been kicking my own ass. really really way too hard on myself. and i got a crazy stomach nero-virus (cant spell\???? was sick for 4 days straight, slept for deadass like 72 hours. i had som many plans for this site... tank girl shrine, video roll page, hydroponics diary, melt banana shrine. the works. codings just so much work------- i sit down for 15 mintues to get a div where i want it and 3 and a half hours die on my computer keyboard. anyway. hangin out with a friend on sat that i havent seen for like 2 months!!!! holyfuck!! gotta find a show to go to tomorrow night too, if i spend another friday night at home im going to hang myself with my sewing dentil floss. anyway (x2) this is hawke, signing off
SONG OF THE DAY BELOW!
9/24/23, day 6⌖ waddup!! my vertical helix has a crazy irritation bump. eurgh. not very important in the sceme of the past day though. firstly, had a roller derby bout. lots of infighting on the bench, i'm trying to play that off as why i skated like shit. whatever. just didnt have a good day on the track. after at went to a show w a friend i met at the climate protest last week :3 my other dear friend was workin the doors. anyway, really small show for this guys bday. (party emoji)!! moshed with 5 people tops and hung around. jumped into the guys pool too.... i wasnt the only one!! bunch of skater dudes and my friend and i in our binders. oh it was so cool. i love being trans. anyway. left my friends dads overshirt jacket and my glasses at the birthday doof's house. and i've got a jam-packed scedule of diy and goin to the auto pick and pull today, but i gotta get this shit back. should i just show up and knock on his front door?? will update this l8ter. (tldr-i didnt update it.)
SONG OF THE DAY BELOW!
9/20/23, day 5⌖ holy shit!!! i cant believe its been 10 days from the last time ive updated this. insane. so whats happened in the time that i was away from feeding this lovely website? uhhhhhhh i dont got an answer for you. deleted instagram, made a gif (and started thjinking about a comic) got a stylaphone, went to the beach (+ got kicked out of the ocean because a guy died there last week) and most importantly talked to my mom about starting hrt. boomshakalacka!! ive been feeling less and less motivation to update this site. think i need to join some webrings. anywho!! this is hawke, signing off. for now.
SONG OF THE DAY BELOW!
9/10/23, day 4⌖ 4 shitty days since ive updated this blog, yes, the one youre reading. well not intirely shitty. i saw some friends. i got bit by a lot of misquitos. i got my jaw knocked out at a hardcore show at a really not hardcore venue. i remembered i'm not asexual. ill leave it at that. i had a bad day today. ill try to have a better one tomorrow.
i dont think anything (exciting) is ever going to happen to me unless i fight for it. sometimes i realize things that i knew before, i think. the things that seem the most stupid. this is one of those things. i've been waiting. waiting for too long. waiting to finally find this person that ive created. waiting to suddenly become good at guitar and ableton live and have all my problems and dysphoria fixed and become not depressed and become skinnier and happy with myself and not maybe, for even a sliver, not absolutly hate everyone around me. waiting to stop lying to myself. i dont want to wait anymore. and i'm not going to wait to stop waiting. i'm going to start tonight. start stopping. i'm going to make a list (of things that i will do) to fund. why has this taken me this long? i'm having some chamomile tea. well, i actually just had the last sip. now i'm sucking the tea bag. its really quite gross. my mom loves to tell me such. i like it, i feel like a teething baby. anyway- the tea is helping that feeling. to run. i just want to so bad sometimes. its like somethings burning inside of me. i dont know. whatever. ouch. hawke, signing off.
SONG OF THE DAY BELOW!
9/6/23, day 3⌖
have the signs always looked this shitty? whats up? my lamp and ceiling!! haha!! got you!!! anyway. stayed home today from school, ive got a cold and its fuckin kicking my ass. :sneeze: filmed footage for an experimental film today, think im gonna start a new twitter account and do some digital colorblocking in a bit. thinking of scanning some more items for my inventory page too!! brain is really cooking. every day i get a bit sad that i cant consume all the media i want to, my reccomendations notesapp list is insanely long. hopefully ill finish half life 1 soon :3 then i'm gonna finish the saga and start on resident evil. yeaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh cant think of jack to write!! i feel like this blogs a bit of a bore. sorry. i swear i do intresting shit, i'm just in a bit of a rut about how much of my personal life i should share on the internet. i feel like its more personal then having an onlyfans sometimes. huh. anyway, this is hawke, signing off. stay safe out there. heard theyre releasing rabid lava zombie sharks into your town.
SONG OF THE DAY BELOW!
9/4/23, day 2⌖ hi blog reader!!!! this is my second day writing this. today? woke up at bright and shiny 8:03 am. no sarcasm. it was brighjt and shiny. worked on my friends birthday present (happy early 18th slug!!!!) and started on cleaning out my cave. built my loft bed today, actually. tldr. or however you use that. got a lot more space around here now, but now i've just gotta get my paws on a couch for underneath. and a crt monitor. and new power cords and a brain to go in my skull. i'm unsure about how i feel about the text layout of this blog. i might switch to bulletpoints tomorrow, check back! ive got apush homework to do. probably not gonna do it anyway. whateveerrrr (change of conversation) check out my new knight-core pinterest board
here :3 i dont really have much to say! this is hawke, signing off.
SONG OF THE DAY BELOW!
9/3/23, day 1⌖ started this very blog! as in centered this div box. my spotify discover weekly really sucks. i dont think it understands that i only like atari teenage riot and atari teenage riot alone. my cat is sitting on my back. i really want a breakfast burrito. :drool: went camping with my mom yesterday (and the day before). wish i could say it was nice, but it fucking wasnt. rained the entire time and the potatoes i cooked sucked. was super fuckin pretty though. heres some pics.
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pic above is the view from my hammoc :3 very cozy! continuying this post at 3:56pm. made some fuckin tasty vanilla bean custard (ice cream not pudding). my forearms hurt. and my shoulder. took a nasty fall on some rocks on friday night. gave myself 13 seconds like normal.
anyway. this is hawke, signing off. thanks for reading my blog you doof
SONG OF THE DAY BELOW!
